Post by lunaRghost DANi on Oct 20, 2020 12:31:59 GMT -5
lunaRghost
ALIAS: Mom in the real world
FACE CLAIM: something holland
AGE: 31
RELATIONSHIP: Married with 4 gremlins
SPECIES: anything but human
GENDER: Female
FACE CLAIM: something holland
AGE: 31
RELATIONSHIP: Married with 4 gremlins
SPECIES: anything but human
GENDER: Female
Personality
POSITIVE: Kind, caring, loving, helpful, simple
NEGATIVE: depressed, anxiety ridden, OCD, lost, a bit clingy, can be selfish at times.
NEGATIVE: depressed, anxiety ridden, OCD, lost, a bit clingy, can be selfish at times.
History
why am i the bad guy?
i started roleplaying when is was 12 on a site called red rose high. it is no longer accessible as the server i guess was removed. but i left there after being ignored and wanting more. i enjoyed playing and creating characters. i found Proboards through a friend and though she stopped after a while, i still continued. i bounced site to site though my first PB site was an X-Men site and there i fell in love with my first character. i was heartbroken when his player quit, but i moved on. again i joined and even started making my own sites. most were twilight sites and other vampire based sites. i started going by the name Danibella a mash of my two favorite characters. Danny from hocus pocus and bella from twilight. i was young dont judge. before that, a group called me goat i think its cause i ate up any and all ideas. again i was young. but i didnt like being called goat so i took on danibella.
here is my struggle and what inspired me to make MWD.
9 years ago i met a girl. i worked hard to become her friend. turns out she had some major anxieties. she would message me constantly. im not saying they were short and sweet. but at one point i got 85 messages in less than an hour from her. im not going to lie i cared about her and for two-three years this was my life. it got so bad my husband even told me to pick him or her. i chose him. he was here and i didn't want to lose him. she is the one that called me dani phantom.
this may have what started it all. idk. anyway i started to distance my self telling her she needed people in her life that weren't 500+ miles away. i did pay for bus tickets for her to come see me. i loved her company. i loved being with her. but then she disappeared for 24hrs. i freaked! this wasn't like her. she didn't do these things. did someone take her? oh gosh what if-! i called her dad.
she met a guy.
all of a sudden i was the needy one. i didn't trust him. why would i? i knew everything about her. her likes. her dislikes. what did he know? was he going to hurt her? i was worried for my friend as any friend would be. but she came back and for a few weeks things were back to normal. then she vanished again. this time for three days. she spent the weekend with the guy. and again. i was the one wrong for freaking out.
over the next few months it was on and off again but i still couldn't help but to worry. six months and she was going to marry the guy. they got married and i should have seen that i had already been replace but i cared. i was invested. she was my best friend. i have never been more open with anyone as a whole than i was with her. i told her things i never told anyone else. i never lied to her. what reason was there to lie?
we eventually stopped talking. i became too tired and busy with my kids and she stopped messaging after six years of telling her that i wasn't going to vanish on her or leave her. i would finally message her and try to restart our friendship but i was told “now it's your turn to make the effort.” effort? i thought we were friends. yeah we had arguments and misunderstanding but that's normal. i didn't know my friendship requires effort. i apparently didn't know a lot of things because i also got “and you kept having babies” thrown at me. i admit the first time was funny. hahaha. but she would always say it in a conversation somehow.
i started to apologized for being such a horrible friend. i was always saying i'm sorry. but all i got was a snarky comment. she said i was forgiven but she didn't act like it, at least to me, anyway. i would message her and it'd be days before she replied. and the wait got longer and longer till it had been a month. i felt i was to blame. maybe i was. i was a horrible friend and maybe this is her giving me a taste of my own medicine. but this was wrong. this was mental abuse and i was suffering. after months of feeling like i was the problem i decided to stop. i took a step back. “it would be as if i died” i told someone else. i needed time to myself, to think. to heal. to feel better. so i vanished.
she deleted me.
it hurt. it hurt so bad. what did i do wrong? what did i say? what did i do? what didn't i say? what didn't i do? there had to be a reason. i tried to post my feelings expressing how much i still cared for her. but i got nothing in return. i took months before going back. i was feeling better. i had gotten myself help. i was medicated. i was great. i jumped in. but i quickly realized i was not at all welcomed. i tried to talk to her and i was told that i shouldn't be calling her out. she was uncomfortable talking to me. she blocked me! i didn't do anything and she refused to talk to me. i felt as though she was acting like a wounded animal hiding behind the other members. so they attacked me. i was even told i was the bad guy to her.
i was breaking and i didn't know why i still cared about her. she was like my soulmate. my twin. my sister. and now she hated me. i keep telling others i don't know what i did and i don't get a reason why from anyone. then i'm told i shouldn't try to talk to her but it's okay for her to talk to me and make stabby comments. i was broken and i wanted so much to be whole again but how can i when i'm being punished for something everyone else knows about but me? how was i supposed to be comfortable around her if she can't even talk to me one on one. i had asked to not have to talk to her and once more im the bad guy. i was told no. she's allowed to talk to me but i'm not allowed.
i don't know what to do. i want to stay for the other friends i have made but its like im janis in the movie mean girls and she cattie. or regina. maybe both. im no longer good enough and im the bad guy.
why am i the bad guy?
well, im not. i am not the bad guy. i am done asking why. so this is what brings me to MWD. this is what i want in a site. i want people to join and not be scared to have all the hard work they put into a character ripped apart. all the flaws pointed out. flaws allow for plots. flaws are what makes characters, characters! i wanted people to feel, happy, and comfortable with other member and the admins. i don't want anyone to feel like they are the bad guy or as if it is their fault. MWD is a sanctuary for all of us who have been abused by other people. i would have named the site Sanctuary but i didn't want people thinking it was about the show. the song "You Make Me Wanna Die" by the Pretty Reckless came on and i knew. cause at times, everything made me want to cry. and this is me standing up and being strong.
I am taking back my joy of roleplaying by opening this site.
and here is a little disclaimer. i know you are here scrutinizing my work. go a head. i welcome you. in fact i thank you for the pain you have caused me for i have put my pain and tears into this site, a site for others. everything here has been either originally made or taken from public domain with copyrights credited. and if you feel this is an attack, its not. this is me rising from the ashes. i am stronger because of you. thank you.
EDIT** i went back to just DANi because the name fits me. but dont call me daniphantom.
credit to Laura of Adox
